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The Men’s Room

Bronco

Redvee Founder & Editor in Chief,, Fundraiser & Fl
Staff member
Joined
13 March 2006
Messages
2,218
Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues


This is for any man who needs to chat; whether they have a simple issue, stress or a mental illness. This forum will remain completely non judgmental.

One of the most dangerous things facing young people, and young men in particular, is mental health problems, usually depression and/or anxiety.

In many, though obviously not all cases, this can lead to suicide, the majority of which could have been prevented by simply talking and seeking help.

Please use this thread to do just that - talk, open up. Do it anonymously, or do it from your current account - no one here will judge, I guarantee that you will find helping hands, many of whom have been through it and come out of the other side. We can also provide the appropriate signposting to further and suitable help for you.

Use it for help, or to help others, or for both.

We can't promise that we can fix your problems, but we can promise that the members posting here will try to help you feel better

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

https://mind.org.uk/

http://www.stateofmindsport.org


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Well done. If this can help, I'm with it 100%.

And any women are welcome too.
 
Of course - anyone who feels the need for help.

This thread might never be used, it may be infrequent....but it’s here when and if people need it and want to chat to someone away from their everyday lives.


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I agree entirely. I hope it never has to be used, but the foresight in putting it there is great. I hope this, in turn, draws other like minded sites to do the same on their RL fans sites.

If this can, perhaps, help even one person to turn for help, I'm all for it Bronco.
 
Alright saints,

I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).
 
Saintpablo, I've read it and hope many more will read your post. All I can say is I know some of the things you mention in this post having lost my Mum last month. Support from others seems to lift the heavy chains from around your shoulders each time you open up to people.

You are not alone and your mum is still looking over you.
 
Alright saints,

I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).

Very brave sharing that mate and I’m glad you’ve felt better purely for getting it off your chest. It’s a small step but still a step in the right direction.

I’ve just had a look at your twitter too; I’ll be back in touch about one of those t-shirts you like.
 
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Thank you very much Jackbit & the yellow giraffe. I really appreciate it. I was a bit anxious about putting it on. I don’t want it to be a sob story or anything like that. I just wanted it off my chest. Again, thank you!
 
Alright saints,

I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).

Going through that experience is probably one of the most traumatic things that can happen to you, especially when it’s unexpected and at such a young age...to then take everything on your shoulders and basically shoulder the load for the family is brave/admirable, especially when it’s taken it’s toll so heavily on you.

Have you tried the Mind helpline for chat? They also produce a booklet which you may find a help: https://www.mind.org.uk/media/23538921/ptsd-2018.pdf

I’d be getting on to your GP weekly too, 3 and 1/2 years seems ludicrous when it’s affecting you so much.

Good on you for seeking the help though, understanding your triggers and trying to get help to combat it.

What I would say, is that chatting on the internet or face to face isn’t an either/or situation. Don’t cut off any line of communication - all our good.

If you’re ever coming alone to a game we stand up at the back of W3, so feel free to come come and stand up there if you want a few to stand and chat with [emoji106]
 
Alright saints,

I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).

I can't offer any professional help, but if you ever want a chat, to get something off your chest or to just talk some shit PM me.
Your with friend here.
 
Probably one of the best things that has ever been done on this forum.
Middsaint you are the same age as my son. Get it off your chest, you are not alone.
 
Bronco - thank you mate. I’ve never contacted mind because I’ve never known really what to say, this is the reason I haven’t spoken to mates and family about it really. Probably a mindset I have that I think people will judge/not be arsed/have their problems without me heaping more on them. I am constantly on to the GP but the same answer is always given, “you’ll need to wait, it’s on a priority basis.” Taking the first step off just going for it and putting it out there was scary enough. Just need to take it one step at a time.

Thank you, I’ll be up for a chat next time I’m at saints!

Saint fryer & voll au vent thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
 
I have been with my wife for 6 years, and we got married last month. Our relationship survived 4 years of long distance, she is not from the uk and this fact alone has added substantial cost and beurocracy to the whole process.

After being together for one month, she has told me that she doesn't "love me enough" and wants a divorce and to go home. She denies having been unfaithful, and I really want to believe her, but there are enough red flags to suggest otherwise.

We haven't had any problems in our relationship before this, in many ways it has been perfect aside from the thousands of miles that separated us for much of it. so I am completely blindsided and devastated. I am also furious with her for not opening up to me earlier (she says that she has felt this way for a while), confused about how this has happened, scared about what happens if we can't resolve it, and horribly lonely, as I have no friends close enough that I could confide in.

I'm desperate not to lose her, it would tear me apart, and I just don't know what to do.
 
I have been with my wife for 6 years, and we got married last month. Our relationship survived 4 years of long distance, she is not from the uk and this fact alone has added substantial cost and beurocracy to the whole process.

After being together for one month, she has told me that she doesn't "love me enough" and wants a divorce and to go home. She denies having been unfaithful, and I really want to believe her, but there are enough red flags to suggest otherwise.

We haven't had any problems in our relationship before this, in many ways it has been perfect aside from the thousands of miles that separated us for much of it. so I am completely blindsided and devastated. I am also furious with her for not opening up to me earlier (she says that she has felt this way for a while), confused about how this has happened, scared about what happens if we can't resolve it, and horribly lonely, as I have no friends close enough that I could confide in.

I'm desperate not to lose her, it would tear me apart, and I just don't know what to do.

If she doesn’t love you theirs nowt you can do. Grant her a divorce, pal. Move on. Its s***y now but time heals all wounds. Trust me, 5 kids by 3 different women makes me the daddy of break ups. Its hard but don’t ponder on it too much. And don’t try to get inside her head or understand her motives, that will just raise more questions than answers and drive you crazy.
Do anything you can to just get you out of the house, go to pub quiz nights, get a hobby, anything. Just don’t stay in stiring at 4 walls, pondering on things. That’s dangerous territory.

You will be ok mate
 
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Speaking up is the most difficult aspect of any mental problem but probably the most important by some distance. I have had a number of problems over the years (wont go into it now) but the best three things I did (it wont work for everyone) were:-
1. Try to talk to friends (they worry about you) get things off your chest.
2. Try to not drink (it will help)
3. If you can get as much exercise as you can it produces changes in the body that help with your state of mind and the way you look at things.

I was very lucky and had a couple of friends who kept in touch and a couple of great brothers who were there for me. I know everyone is not so lucky but just talking opened up possibilities that turned things around for me.
 
I have been with my wife for 6 years, and we got married last month. Our relationship survived 4 years of long distance, she is not from the uk and this fact alone has added substantial cost and beurocracy to the whole process.

After being together for one month, she has told me that she doesn't "love me enough" and wants a divorce and to go home. She denies having been unfaithful, and I really want to believe her, but there are enough red flags to suggest otherwise.

We haven't had any problems in our relationship before this, in many ways it has been perfect aside from the thousands of miles that separated us for much of it. so I am completely blindsided and devastated. I am also furious with her for not opening up to me earlier (she says that she has felt this way for a while), confused about how this has happened, scared about what happens if we can't resolve it, and horribly lonely, as I have no friends close enough that I could confide in.

I'm desperate not to lose her, it would tear me apart, and I just don't know what to do.

If she’s decided that she doesn’t love you and wants to end it, then there’s not really too much you can do except go for the cleanest break possible. The problem with persisting in trying to change her mind is that it could make her even more resolute. It could be that once you say ‘ok fine’ that the gravity of the situation hits home to her? Has the wedding thrown her knowing the commitment she’s made and the realisation she’s thousands of miles from her family and this is her life now? It’s a more difficult one to work out cos there’s a lot more factors in play as you say.

It doesn’t sound promising at all - the biggest blessing for you in that there are no kids involved as that would be your biggest nightmare, especially if she plans to go home.

I think there’s an awful lot of us who’ve been in the situation where you think you’ve met the person who is ‘the one’ and that your life is sorted before something happens to turn it on it’s head. The worst part for me was thinking what others would think and same as you thinking how would I would start again? I went on to meet my current wife and have two great kids together - now I look back philosophically on it all and think that everything happens for a reason.

A chat with Relate may do you the world of good... they offer counselling to couples and individuals, either face to face or via the phone or internet. They also work locally too

https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/relationship-counselling


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This is a fantastic initiative Bronco & all involved at Redvee, i hope those people who have been courageous enough to share get something from this.
 
Alright saints,

I donÂ’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (IÂ’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which IÂ’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldnÂ’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. IÂ’m only 27. ItÂ’s been such a downward spiral since.

I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didnÂ’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didnÂ’t have the words for anyone as to why IÂ’ve shut everyone off.

I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but itÂ’s starting to affect me again as IÂ’m starting missing games again.

IÂ’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, IÂ’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

IÂ’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (IÂ’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).

Thanks for sharing that pal. As others have said you seem to have been a rock for the rest of your family through this difficult time.

Can I ask where you live, in respect of your town ? NHS services can vary quite dramatically depending where you live but most have IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) schemes in place which should provide fairly quick access to things like Cognitive Behavourial Therapy. In any case, the best approach I think would be to contact your local Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) via their Patient Advice & Liaison Service (PALS). Sorry, the NHS is just full of acronyms. The PALS service should be able to offer you the best advice for services in your area and try to sort your waiting list problem if a constitutional standard is being broken.

Try googling for your local CCG or if you let me know which town you live in then I will try to find the details for you.

Most of all, keep talking, whether that be on here or with friends etc.
 
Great idea for a thread! Hope it is in any little way useful to anybody going through challenges in their lives - i think many do, but are reluctant to talk about it. The more chance to talk the better. Small things can make big differences to individuals - and that can gradually have a knock on effect to the wider society by making mental health challenges more accepted and open.

Hope to contribute and support this thread into the future. Huge appreciation and respect to anyone taking the courage to share here!
 
As mentioned above if you are struggling you should visit your GP for support and signposting to other services however some people do unfortunately have long waiting times.

Nearly all places have Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) schemes. You can self-refer to these and usually have some form of contact within 2 weeks. They offer services such as counselling and CBT.

http://www.sthelensgateway.info/organisations/mindsmatter-talking-therapies


http://www.nwbh.nhs.uk/iapt-knowsley


If you ever find yourself at crisis point and are at risk of deliberate self harm, taking an overdose or worse then you can either contact the Samaritans or phone 111 where you can speak to a MH nurse and be signposted to the crisis team if you aren’t already under them. If you think you are really in danger of doing something bad then just ring for an ambulance on 999, speaking as a paramedic we are much better at dealing with MH issues and it’s a massive part of our workload. We can be there as someone to listen to you in a non-judgemental way and we normally know all the local services available which we can signpost you towards for further care.


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