I went to the doctors to find out why i cant get rid of my belly. The doctor says "you've got an over active"....and before he finished i butted in and said "What ? Thyroid ?". doctor says "no, knife and fork you fat b@astard !"
I went to the doctors to find out why i cant get rid of my belly. The doctor says "you've got an over active"....and before he finished i butted in and said "What ? Thyroid ?". doctor says "no, knife and fork you fat b@astard !"
And on the eighth day he created The Saints and he said " Go forth and entertain !"
My wife just bought a t-shirt that said "I love hip hop"
I said, "Your t-shirt is missing a few letters"
"Oh shit, really?" she replied, panicking.
I said, "yeah, there should be a 'c' in front of hip and an 's' in front of hop, you fat bitch"
Have you heard the one about the SuperLeague club that can't play a home Challenge Cup match at home?
......Oh wait, sorry thats not a joke!!!!!!!
(Sorry Rogues, couldn't resist it?)
I took two stuffed dogs I had onto the Antiques Roadshow.....
"Ooh," Said the presenter, "This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if they were in good condition?".....
"Sticks?" I replied.
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And on the eighth day he created The Saints and he said " Go forth and entertain !"
Fat wife walks into the kitchen and says "didn't you hear me fall down the stairs?" Husband says "sorry love I thought it was the start of eastenders"
And on the eighth day he created The Saints and he said " Go forth and entertain !"
Just hearing reports of an accident on the A1 near Newcastle involving a van carrying tortoises and a lorry load of terrapin. Police have said it was a turtle disaster
I went to a party recently, had a few drinks, later on we started dancing.
The twist came on, so we did the twist.
The Macerena came on, so we did the Macarena
Come on Eileen came on, I was escorted from the premises....
The French have claimed that they printed topless pics of Kate Middleton because we sent them Joey Barton. It was just a case of tit for !
And on the eighth day he created The Saints and he said " Go forth and entertain !"
Just a couple of ones i got recently, thought I'd put them on as nobody posted on here for a month or so.
Breaking news
Police searching Jimmy Savile's former home have found class A drugs in the kitchen, class B drugs in the living room and class 5C in his bedroom.......
'' You spend far too much time on that ing computer '', possibly a bit harsh, but as one of Stephen Hawkings closest friends, I felt someone had to tell him.
I was telling that old joke in the pub the other night. You know the one? "What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?" - "Throw Your Washing In"
Well everyone was laughing apart from this one bloke, he said "Hey you, I don't find that very funny, my brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath"
"Sorry mate" I said, "Did he have a fit"? "No, he choked on a sock"
Born in St.Helens (Lancashire). Live in Hull. Probably die in Hull if I keep wearing this Red Vee.
Sheperd to the angel, "whats it like in Heaven" Angel reply "its alright if you like playing harps".