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  1. #1
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    Default The Men’s Room

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues


    This is for any man who needs to chat; whether they have a simple issue, stress or a mental illness. This forum will remain completely non judgmental.

    One of the most dangerous things facing young people, and young men in particular, is mental health problems, usually depression and/or anxiety.

    In many, though obviously not all cases, this can lead to suicide, the majority of which could have been prevented by simply talking and seeking help.

    Please use this thread to do just that - talk, open up. Do it anonymously, or do it from your current account - no one here will judge, I guarantee that you will find helping hands, many of whom have been through it and come out of the other side. We can also provide the appropriate signposting to further and suitable help for you.

    Use it for help, or to help others, or for both.

    We can't promise that we can fix your problems, but we can promise that the members posting here will try to help you feel better

    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-ca...you/contact-us

    https://mind.org.uk/

    http://www.stateofmindsport.org


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    Well done. If this can help, I'm with it 100%.

    And any women are welcome too.

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    Of course - anyone who feels the need for help.

    This thread might never be used, it may be infrequent....but it’s here when and if people need it and want to chat to someone away from their everyday lives.


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    I agree entirely. I hope it never has to be used, but the foresight in putting it there is great. I hope this, in turn, draws other like minded sites to do the same on their RL fans sites.

    If this can, perhaps, help even one person to turn for help, I'm all for it Bronco.

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    Alright saints,

    I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

    Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

    I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

    I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

    I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

    I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

    I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).

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    Saintpablo, I've read it and hope many more will read your post. All I can say is I know some of the things you mention in this post having lost my Mum last month. Support from others seems to lift the heavy chains from around your shoulders each time you open up to people.

    You are not alone and your mum is still looking over you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Alright saints,

    I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

    Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

    I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

    I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

    I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

    I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

    I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).
    Very brave sharing that mate and I’m glad you’ve felt better purely for getting it off your chest. It’s a small step but still a step in the right direction.

    I’ve just had a look at your twitter too; I’ll be back in touch about one of those t-shirts you like.
    Last edited by The Yellow Giraffe; 14th June 2018 at 21:24.

  8. #8
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    Thank you very much Jackbit & the yellow giraffe. I really appreciate it. I was a bit anxious about putting it on. I don’t want it to be a sob story or anything like that. I just wanted it off my chest. Again, thank you!

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    Default The Men’s Room

    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Alright saints,

    I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

    Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

    I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

    I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

    I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

    I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

    I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).
    Going through that experience is probably one of the most traumatic things that can happen to you, especially when it’s unexpected and at such a young age...to then take everything on your shoulders and basically shoulder the load for the family is brave/admirable, especially when it’s taken it’s toll so heavily on you.

    Have you tried the Mind helpline for chat? They also produce a booklet which you may find a help: https://www.mind.org.uk/media/23538921/ptsd-2018.pdf

    I’d be getting on to your GP weekly too, 3 and 1/2 years seems ludicrous when it’s affecting you so much.

    Good on you for seeking the help though, understanding your triggers and trying to get help to combat it.

    What I would say, is that chatting on the internet or face to face isn’t an either/or situation. Don’t cut off any line of communication - all our good.

    If you’re ever coming alone to a game we stand up at the back of W3, so feel free to come come and stand up there if you want a few to stand and chat with

    @RedveeDotNet

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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Alright saints,

    I don’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (I’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

    Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

    I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which I’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldn’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. I’m only 27. It’s been such a downward spiral since.

    I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didn’t have the words for anyone as to why I’ve shut everyone off.

    I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but it’s starting to affect me again as I’m starting missing games again.

    I’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, I’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

    I’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (I’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).
    I can't offer any professional help, but if you ever want a chat, to get something off your chest or to just talk some shit PM me.
    Your with friend here.

  11. #11
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    Probably one of the best things that has ever been done on this forum.
    Middsaint you are the same age as my son. Get it off your chest, you are not alone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Alright saints,

    I donÂ’t post a lot on here but regular reader and I thought this page being open is such a great thing plus personal to me. I go to saints home and away (IÂ’m the loud manc) and it gives me the relief and puts my mind into peace whilst watching them (especially this year!).

    Anyway, I have been waiting to see a specialist for around 3 and a half years now but constantly get told I am on the waiting list. I know the NHS is stretched and there is waiting times but surely waiting 3 and half years is a joke. In February 2015, I went into my mums bedroom with a brew to find her cold and blue. It was TWO days after her 40th birthday. I dropped the drink and tried CPR waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and announced her dead, she had passed away 3 hours previously. It rocked me. I had to tell my nana and grandad, my brothers and sister and the rest of the family.

    I had to stay positive and support everyone whilst trying to organise everything and grieve. After the funeral, I had trouble sleeping and kept having problems with visions of that morning. I went to the doctors to seek some help but all I was given was tablets and put on the waiting list (which IÂ’m still on). I left my job as a compliance officer for a financial network organisation as I couldnÂ’t handle the stress and grieving plus the job. IÂ’m only 27. ItÂ’s been such a downward spiral since.

    I still see images from the morning and even little triggers set me off. I put on 8 stone because I stopped socialising, stopped going out to the gym and locked myself away from the world. I have tried to change that by going gym (down 4st in four months) and trying to rekindle relationships with people I shut off because I didnÂ’t feel like speaking to anyone or see them because I just didnÂ’t have the words for anyone as to why IÂ’ve shut everyone off.

    I find it extremely hard to speaking to people about stuff. Going to saints is my freedom but itÂ’s starting to affect me again as IÂ’m starting missing games again.

    IÂ’m trying hard myself to be more open and when I saw this page open up,I thought f**k it, IÂ’m going to open up and get it off my chest. I found it easier than I expected but the next step as removing the internet and actually speaking face to face. Even if nobody even reads this, I feel a slight weight is off my shoulders. So thank you very much for opening this page.

    IÂ’ll be back at saints soon enough so please do say hi! (IÂ’m on Twitter @saintpablo91).
    Thanks for sharing that pal. As others have said you seem to have been a rock for the rest of your family through this difficult time.

    Can I ask where you live, in respect of your town ? NHS services can vary quite dramatically depending where you live but most have IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) schemes in place which should provide fairly quick access to things like Cognitive Behavourial Therapy. In any case, the best approach I think would be to contact your local Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) via their Patient Advice & Liaison Service (PALS). Sorry, the NHS is just full of acronyms. The PALS service should be able to offer you the best advice for services in your area and try to sort your waiting list problem if a constitutional standard is being broken.

    Try googling for your local CCG or if you let me know which town you live in then I will try to find the details for you.

    Most of all, keep talking, whether that be on here or with friends etc.

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    Great idea for a thread! Hope it is in any little way useful to anybody going through challenges in their lives - i think many do, but are reluctant to talk about it. The more chance to talk the better. Small things can make big differences to individuals - and that can gradually have a knock on effect to the wider society by making mental health challenges more accepted and open.

    Hope to contribute and support this thread into the future. Huge appreciation and respect to anyone taking the courage to share here!

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    You have been very brave posting this and I hope u know how much others care for u. I know mental health services are under pressure at the moment but that length of wait is unacceptable...if u google your local Healthwatch someone there should be able to help u with this. Good luck & although I dont know u please feel free to pm me if I can help at all.

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    Following yesterday’s post I have decided to take the next step. I rung mind today. I spoke to them for a good 2 hours 35 minutes. It’s mind blowing how one step can lead to another. I have researched what was suggested above and I am taking steps to organise seeing a professional next week. Thank you very much for pointing me in the right direction.

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    As mentioned above if you are struggling you should visit your GP for support and signposting to other services however some people do unfortunately have long waiting times.

    Nearly all places have Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) schemes. You can self-refer to these and usually have some form of contact within 2 weeks. They offer services such as counselling and CBT.

    http://www.sthelensgateway.info/orga...king-therapies


    http://www.nwbh.nhs.uk/iapt-knowsley


    If you ever find yourself at crisis point and are at risk of deliberate self harm, taking an overdose or worse then you can either contact the Samaritans or phone 111 where you can speak to a MH nurse and be signposted to the crisis team if you aren’t already under them. If you think you are really in danger of doing something bad then just ring for an ambulance on 999, speaking as a paramedic we are much better at dealing with MH issues and it’s a massive part of our workload. We can be there as someone to listen to you in a non-judgemental way and we normally know all the local services available which we can signpost you towards for further care.


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    Dave, I wonder if it's worth putting a username with password on here under "Anonymous" so people can post without registering?

    I know the potential for abuse is there.

    Great Idea though and clearly the job already done

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    Best wishes midd saint
    Learned comment from The Don

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    Quote Originally Posted by paulscnthorpe View Post
    Dave, I wonder if it's worth putting a username with password on here under "Anonymous" so people can post without registering?

    I know the potential for abuse is there.

    Great Idea though and clearly the job already done

    If anyone is low enough to abuse people who are already at a very low ebb I don't think their life expectancy on Redvee would be very long. It is a great Idea and already MiddSaint has taken the first step and is getting favourable results long may it continue, I tend to bottle up things and try to carry the burden to keep others from suffering too but it takes it's toll and you need an outlet. I go to the pub, not to drown my sorrows but just to have a bit of banter and a laugh a couple of pints and I'm off home to cook the evening meal and I never drink at home, I feel it releases you for an hour and I can talk about my problems in fact there is another bloke with almost an identical situation as me and we often talk about how things are going (his wife like mine is suffering from a neurological disorder) it does help. Good Luck to MiddSaint and Anonimouse I hope things improve for both of you.
    On the Back foot looking for the front one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Greengrass View Post
    If anyone is low enough to abuse people who are already at a very low ebb I don't think their life expectancy on Redvee would be very long. It is a great Idea and already MiddSaint has taken the first step and is getting favourable results long may it continue, I tend to bottle up things and try to carry the burden to keep others from suffering too but it takes it's toll and you need an outlet. I go to the pub, not to drown my sorrows but just to have a bit of banter and a laugh a couple of pints and I'm off home to cook the evening meal and I never drink at home, I feel it releases you for an hour and I can talk about my problems in fact there is another bloke with almost an identical situation as me and we often talk about how things are going (his wife like mine is suffering from a neurological disorder) it does help. Good Luck to MiddSaint and Anonimouse I hope things improve for both of you.
    You clearly find it easy to hide your feelings by being the joker in the pack Greengrass but I think you’ve shown something of the real you and that will help others. Talking helps.

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    What a great thread and compelled me to register on here. First of all, Middsaint, well done for reaching out, I think you'll find people are lot more accepting than you'd think, in my own experience anyway.
    I'd like to give you an insight into my battle, it started around 3 years ago, or so I thought, I've since realised it's more like 15 years ago. I had just started seeing my now fiancé, things had been difficult due to her ex and that the industry I work in had a sudden climate change. In the space of a couple of months, I'd gone from being single, with plenty of money in my pocket to being sat at home, struggling to find work, a new bird that wasn't seeing much of her kids so understandably upset and funds starting to run low, not helped by me spending most days in the pub.
    It was the start of 2 hard years where I got to learn a lot about myself and mental health in general. It wasn't easy and there were some really dark days. I still take regular medication, I've accepted that and don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about. Fortunately I was able to fund private counselling which for me, didn't really help but what has helped me is being able to talk honestly with my partner and a couple of mates. It does seem a bit weird at first but it's also quite empowering and it feels like a huge burden lifting.


    If I could give you any advice it would be the following:

    1. Don't drink/do drugs when you're feeling low, it's the easy option but does absolutely no good.
    2. Exercise is king, I'm currently laid up with a bad knee but I still go to the gym and lift a few weights.
    3. Sort your diet out.
    4. Try to get back to work, even if it's a fairly menial job, it will keep you occupied, give you a bit of focus and self confidence again.
    5. Try to start liking yourself again, as daft as it sounds, it's easy to pick faults with yourself but everyone has good points.

    If you want to PM me for any advice, or just to chat please do. That goes for anyone.

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    What a great thread and compelled me to register on here. First of all, Middsaint, well done for reaching out, I think you'll find people are lot more accepting than you'd think, in my own experience anyway.
    I'd like to give you an insight into my battle, it started around 3 years ago, or so I thought, I've since realised it's more like 15 years ago. I had just started seeing my now fiancé, things had been difficult due to her ex and that the industry I work in had a sudden climate change. In the space of a couple of months, I'd gone from being single, with plenty of money in my pocket to being sat at home, struggling to find work, a new bird that wasn't seeing much of her kids so understandably upset and funds starting to run low, not helped by me spending most days in the pub.
    It was the start of 2 hard years where I got to learn a lot about myself and mental health in general. It wasn't easy and there were some really dark days. I still take regular medication, I've accepted that and don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about. Fortunately I was able to fund private counselling which for me, didn't really help but what has helped me is being able to talk honestly with my partner and a couple of mates. It does seem a bit weird at first but it's also quite empowering and it feels like a huge burden lifting.


    If I could give you any advice it would be the following:

    1. Don't drink/do drugs when you're feeling low, it's the easy option but does absolutely no good.
    2. Exercise is king, I'm currently laid up with a bad knee but I still go to the gym and lift a few weights.
    3. Sort your diet out.
    4. Try to get back to work, even if it's a fairly menial job, it will keep you occupied, give you a bit of focus and self confidence again.
    5. Try to start liking yourself again, as daft as it sounds, it's easy to pick faults with yourself but everyone has good points.

    If you want to PM me for any advice, or just to chat please do. That goes for anyone.

  23. #23
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    Can I just say as well, like a few others have spoke about, this is a brilliant idea for a thread.
    Steve Prescott MBE (1973-2013)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suttoner View Post
    You clearly find it easy to hide your feelings by being the joker in the pack Greengrass but I think you’ve shown something of the real you and that will help others. Talking helps.
    Thanks, yes I do try to make light of situations if you don't it can wash over you and push you under. They reckon most great comedians are manic depressives ( I don't class myself as a comedian) but I find making light of things helps if you dwell on the bad things then it can send you to dark places.
    On the Back foot looking for the front one.

  25. #25
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    Hi I’ve been a long term reader of this forum but have never posted until now. I’ve been struggling for a while now but this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it to other people. I don’t consider my situation to be as bad as a couple who’ve posted before me so I’m gonna go for it.

    Basically I played a sport from 7ish years old through the ages and advanced into an academy system. At the end of that time I was released and it felt and still feels like the end of the world because it meant everything to me. I still love the sport and probably because of that I haven’t had it in me to pick up a ball since. People have told me to give it another go and maybe work my way back up through the Leagues but I’m 21 now and it is probably too late. I wish I’d have just kept playing and maybe it would have been possible but I didn’t and I think I’d have too much ground to make up now and I don’t think I’ve got it in me

    Around the same time I lost someone close to me and didn’t deal with either very well at all. I was 18 and ended up getting myself into trouble. I was never arrested or cautioned never signed anything never even had a letter and I didn’t actually come into personal contact with anyone at all but I received an email saying that if I did it again things would become more serious. I’ve just finished my first university year and don’t have a single clue what I want to do. I’ve got something half in mind but it would need an enhanced background check and I’m apprehensive that the incident will show up. I’m reluctant to put things in place now knowing that I might have the incident hanging over me down the line, even though I probably need to. I still miss that person a lot and am finding things a lot harder without them here

    I feel like a failure and don’t really know how to get myself out of it... I’ve got a good family and feel like I’ve let them down I know I’ve met them down and I don’t have it in me to tell them about any of this. I don’t really know what to do but there’s only so long I can keep putting a smile on for. I’ll probably never be able to do what I wanted to do since I was 7 and even though I’m at university now I still don’t know what I want to do and if I did I don’t know whether the incident will show up. At the minute I get through it with short term fixes but that can’t carry on forever and I’m strugglig to see a way out
    Last edited by Anonymous929; 19th June 2018 at 00:05.

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