The Men’s Room

[Harri81]

Great and strong thread, well done for bringing this out.

Currently im struggling with life but keeping it hidden, numerous family problems, deaths and financial issues haven't helped. In 2014 i had a near fatal motorcycle accident which is still causing problems in my life now. 10 surgeries on my arm later and ptsd im feeling quite isolated. This year has been the first year ive been able to bring myself to step into the stadium due to crowds and im taking things day by day. However other than work ive become isolated from people, no friends, minimal family etc so my life consists of work and sleep, i can no longer play sport, i dont drink so socialising is becoming harder and harder.

Thank goodness for saints.

[St. Christopher]

Thanks for sharing Harri. It's a brave thing to do. I'm glad that Saints is providing something that helps. Do reach out if you need anything else.

[retro74]

Might be worth trying something like meetup.com Harri81. There's loads of different local groups on there based on every interest you can think of

[BigKevIro]

This is a fantastic initiative Bronco & all involved at Redvee, i hope those people who have been courageous enough to share get something from this.

Can't agree more Bronco, more power to all who get involved even if its only a little bit here n there.

[St. Christopher]

There was some event on in Taylor Park yesterday I think that was about mental health. Did anyone go?

[Lancashire Nick]

For a couple of years between 2007 and 2009, I was really struggling. I won't go into details but my personality and behaviour changed. The first step to my recovery was talking and admitting I had a problem.

I don't wish to preach to others, but from my experience, being honest and open with those who love you is the first step to recovery. You'll be amazed by just how supportive people are.

Hope this helps anyone who reads it, take care, and good luck.

[St. Christopher]

For a couple of years between 2007 and 2009, I was really struggling. I won't go into details but my personality and behaviour changed. The first step to my recovery was talking and admitting I had a problem.

I don't wish to preach to others, but from my experience, being honest and open with those who love you is the first step to recovery. You'll be amazed by just how supportive people are.

Hope this helps anyone who reads it, take care, and good luck.

Good advice Nick. Thanks for sharing your experience and how you managed to overcome your own challenges. For those of us fortunate enough to have people around us who care - they are a great source of support if we can find the courage to open up. People genuinely want to help.

For those who have less close people and loved ones around - it also surprising how strangers can be of great support too.

A lot of people whether they know you well or not are willing to provide support. Even if we are often exposed to less pleasant aspects of human nature - there are always good sides too, and the more we can embrace these (giving and receiving) the better off we are likely to be in society.

The capacity for kindness and support, especially when people are facing adversity, can come to the fore if we give it a chance. Neither am I trying to preach any ideals... only to lend encouragement to Nick's ideas about opening up if needed, as the results can be surprising in a positive way.

[Saddened!]

Good advice Nick. Thanks for sharing your experience and how you managed to overcome your own challenges. For those of us fortunate enough to have people around us who care - they are a great source of support if we can find the courage to open up. People genuinely want to help.

For those who have less close people and loved ones around - it also surprising how strangers can be of great support too.

A lot of people whether they know you well or not are willing to provide support. Even if we are often exposed to less pleasant aspects of human nature - there are always good sides too, and the more we can embrace these (giving and receiving) the better off we are likely to be in society.

The capacity for kindness and support, especially when people are facing adversity, can come to the fore if we give it a chance. Neither am I trying to preach any ideals... only to lend encouragement to Nick's ideas about opening up if needed, as the results can be surprising in a positive way.

I think a lot of people hear the 'it's good to talk' mantras and believe it. It can do, it's worth a try, but can also be as painful as the problems themselves. From my own experience, I've found most people say the right things but then don't actually help. For example I had a pretty spectacular breakup and a lot of people said 'give me a shout and we'll go out for a drink, been through it myself mate'. Probably 7 or 8 people said that. But when you text or ring to ask for that drink or a chat, they're mysteriously busy for the next couple of weeks. There needs to be a lot more education done about how to actually help people with mental health issues. It's all good banging the well-established 'open up' drum, but what should people do when they actually do? There needs to be a campaign about that and people need to start acting and change it to 'come round mine and we'll have a chat' or 'I'll come to yours and we'll have a chat' rather than 'if you need anything give me a shout'. It's easy to see why so many men kill themselves.

[St. Christopher]

I think a lot of people hear the 'it's good to talk' mantras and believe it. It can do, it's worth a try, but can also be as painful as the problems themselves. From my own experience, I've found most people say the right things but then don't actually help. For example I had a pretty spectacular breakup and a lot of people said 'give me a shout and we'll go out for a drink, been through it myself mate'. Probably 7 or 8 people said that. But when you text or ring to ask for that drink or a chat, they're mysteriously busy for the next couple of weeks. There needs to be a lot more education done about how to actually help people with mental health issues. It's all good banging the well-established 'open up' drum, but what should people do when they actually do? There needs to be a campaign about that and people need to start acting and change it to 'come round mine and we'll have a chat' or 'I'll come to yours and we'll have a chat' rather than 'if you need anything give me a shout'. It's easy to see why so many men kill themselves.

All very good points. Better systems that help people are needed, professional support, more awareness and more education. The kind of shift in society and community where it feels more like the norm to say "let's have a chat about this" (and feel more comfortable to actually act upon it) takes time to change. The more is done at a systems level, the more people might feel encouraged/supported to take individual and collective action too. I also agree that it's a painful process - but one which I believe is important and maybe even necessary to go through to get towards a point where less people feel so desperate to the point where they take their own lives.

[Jackbit]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/20...ague-ian-knott

State of Mind article that may be of help to some people?

[Walter]

Just wanted people to be aware of some of the support available in the town

https://twitter.com/sthelenscouncil/...22028966617088

Also the Club's "best kept secret" the Saints Community Development Foundation is making a real contribution

https://www.saintsrlfc.com/saints-co...-in-play-mhis/

https://www.saintsrlfc.com/saints-co...-in-play-mhis/

[doc]

Thought that this interview with Hardaker discussing how he now deals with his demons and Sarginson discussing his brothers death may be helpful to some people on here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuLDjT1A_e8

[Cyprus]

I have been wanting to post for quite some time now. If anyone is looking through the topics and find themselves in a dark place its finding the light and flicking the switch. I was diagnosed with cancer and quickly operated on and it went well. Job done you would think? However following on everything seemed to hit me from a poor GP to a truly awful female boss, my family life was wobbling and I was heading for self destruct.

It may sound ridiculous but I was never signposted to McMillan but found the light switch myself and they helped me up on my feet with counselling which started to help. Then I found walking and boy are we lucky in this Town. I live 10 minutes from Clock Face Country Park but had never visited it but now I walk all around our green belt and just saying hello to a couple of new people really helps confidence and its something we as men do not do enough of. All I would say to anyone is give things time and give things effort and you can turn it around.

[retro74]

Not many places for men to vent these days since we’ve closed all the pubs

If anyone wants to talk golf, any time any place I am available

[Angry Dave]

I've been thinking about posting in this thread for a while now and today seems like a good day for it as I made a big decision last night, one I'm hoping turns my life for the better. It came after yet another stressful day at work and a couple of pints in an Irish bar where I know the owner who has just become a father. To cut a long story short he basically said to me, why was I sacrificing my life and health in the pursuit of money. For those that don't know, I work (well until this morning) in Oil & Gas which may sound good but the reality is that's it's a ruthless business, long hours and a lot of time spent away from home. The industry went into freefall around 2014 when a lot of cost cutting exercises were made due to the oil crash. The knock on effect has been that companies realised that there were ways to maximise profit and this has carried now the price has recovered. What it means in reality is that it's now an even worse business to work in, it was never that great but the money and time off made up for it in the past.
This past 18 months has been difficult and has affected both my physical and mental health, I just couldn't see the wood for the trees, also not helped by the amount of booze I was putting away at times. I already feel like a weight has been lifted and I intend to follow that up by finding more of a balance.

I'm not saying I'm 100% certain I've made the right decision but I hope it helps anyone who's feeling similar. Look after yourself, you only get one go at life so make it worthwhile.

If anyone want to chat the feel free to PM me.

[Tabasco]

I've been thinking about posting in this thread for a while now and today seems like a good day for it as I made a big decision last night, one I'm hoping turns my life for the better. It came after yet another stressful day at work and a couple of pints in an Irish bar where I know the owner who has just become a father. To cut a long story short he basically said to me, why was I sacrificing my life and health in the pursuit of money. For those that don't know, I work (well until this morning) in Oil & Gas which may sound good but the reality is that's it's a ruthless business, long hours and a lot of time spent away from home. The industry went into freefall around 2014 when a lot of cost cutting exercises were made due to the oil crash. The knock on effect has been that companies realised that there were ways to maximise profit and this has carried now the price has recovered. What it means in reality is that it's now an even worse business to work in, it was never that great but the money and time off made up for it in the past.
This past 18 months has been difficult and has affected both my physical and mental health, I just couldn't see the wood for the trees, also not helped by the amount of booze I was putting away at times. I already feel like a weight has been lifted and I intend to follow that up by finding more of a balance.

I'm not saying I'm 100% certain I've made the right decision but I hope it helps anyone who's feeling similar. Look after yourself, you only get one go at life so make it worthwhile.

If anyone want to chat the feel free to PM me.

I hope it works out for you and that the absence of stress associated with working in a cutthroat industry results in you having to be given a new username on redvee!

[Angry Dave]

I hope it works out for you and that the absence of stress associated with working in a cutthroat industry results in you having to be given a new username on redvee!

I don't think I'll ever be able to shake that off but thanks.

[retro74]

I can definitely relate Angry Dave. I work in a very corporate environment managing change

It's always stressful and you've rarely got the right resources to deliver the change. The "do more with less" mantra is never far away

I often feel like I need a break after 22 years working here without even one day off sick

[Angry Dave]

I can definitely relate Angry Dave. I work in a very corporate environment managing change

It's always stressful and you've rarely got the right resources to deliver the change. The "do more with less" mantra is never far away

I often feel like I need a break after 22 years working here without even one day off sick

It's been in the offing for a while now and I know quite a few other blokes in the same position. What's unfortunate is the they're losing skilled and experienced people because of it but they'll have no trouble replacing us with yes men.
I've been pretty fortunate that a company in Liverpool has been asking me for a while to come in and have a chat so I'm going seeing them on Friday but even if I didn't have that to fall back on I'd have wrapped it.

I admire people with a good work ethic but I think after 22 years you need to yourself a bit of slack.

[Belgian Saint]

I've been thinking about posting in this thread for a while now and today seems like a good day for it as I made a big decision last night, one I'm hoping turns my life for the better. It came after yet another stressful day at work and a couple of pints in an Irish bar where I know the owner who has just become a father. To cut a long story short he basically said to me, why was I sacrificing my life and health in the pursuit of money. For those that don't know, I work (well until this morning) in Oil & Gas which may sound good but the reality is that's it's a ruthless business, long hours and a lot of time spent away from home. The industry went into freefall around 2014 when a lot of cost cutting exercises were made due to the oil crash. The knock on effect has been that companies realised that there were ways to maximise profit and this has carried now the price has recovered. What it means in reality is that it's now an even worse business to work in, it was never that great but the money and time off made up for it in the past.
This past 18 months has been difficult and has affected both my physical and mental health, I just couldn't see the wood for the trees, also not helped by the amount of booze I was putting away at times. I already feel like a weight has been lifted and I intend to follow that up by finding more of a balance.

I'm not saying I'm 100% certain I've made the right decision but I hope it helps anyone who's feeling similar. Look after yourself, you only get one go at life so make it worthwhile.

If anyone want to chat the feel free to PM me.

You probably don't even know how stressed you are. I worked at executive level for a major multinational and never thought I was under pressure. About 6 months after I packed it in I had never felt as relaxed in my life, but it took the full 6 months before I was relaxed enough to realise the pressure I had been under.

[Angry Dave]

You probably don't even know how stressed you are. I worked at executive level for a major multinational and never thought I was under pressure. About 6 months after I packed it in I had never felt as relaxed in my life, but it took the full 6 months before I was relaxed enough to realise the pressure I had been under.

Possibly not but I've not felt 100% since before Christmas which was the last time I spent a bit of time at home at the end of another nightmare project but I'm hoping I've nipped it in the bud before I end up having a heart attack or something. You know how it goes, beers after work especially in Holland and Belgium, not going to the gym, eating crap and before you know it you've got an ale gut like Rab C Nesbitt. It becomes a vicious circle very quickly.

[barry]

You probably don't even know how stressed you are. I worked at executive level for a major multinational and never thought I was under pressure. About 6 months after I packed it in I had never felt as relaxed in my life, but it took the full 6 months before I was relaxed enough to realise the pressure I had been under.

Stress is an absolute nightmare to cope with even if you don't think you are "stressed". I have an enjoyable but challenging job and realised i was stressed but couldn't do an awful lot about it bar having the odd week off here and there.

In May I fractured my shoulder and ended up being off for 11 weeks while it healed as I couldn't drive. For the first 2 weeks I was frustrated, worried about work, putting more pressure back on my colleagues etc until about week 3/4 I started to wind down, got into a routine and when I eventually went back I felt like a differen't person. It was the longest period of time off I had had since I left college in 2002 and I could feel the difference in my approach as a new start. I knew I was stressed but until I could actually sit back and analyse it during my time off I hadn't realised how stressed I actually was.

The attitude of grinding ourselves into the dirt is so counterproductive but it just feels you have no other options.

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[Angry Dave]

Stress is an absolute nightmare to cope with even if you don't think you are "stressed". I have an enjoyable but challenging job and realised i was stressed but couldn't do an awful lot about it bar having the odd week off here and there.

In May I fractured my shoulder and ended up being off for 11 weeks while it healed as I couldn't drive. For the first 2 weeks I was frustrated, worried about work, putting more pressure back on my colleagues etc until about week 3/4 I started to wind down, got into a routine and when I eventually went back I felt like a differen't person. It was the longest period of time off I had had since I left college in 2002 and I could feel the difference in my approach as a new start. I knew I was stressed but until I could actually sit back and analyse it during my time off I hadn't realised how stressed I actually was.

The attitude of grinding ourselves into the dirt is so counterproductive but it just feels you have no other options.

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That is so very true.

[Cyprus]

Great analogy barry. Those of us of a certain age especially were made and moulded to work. When we go through life especially if we achieve more than we thought we ever could or would we pile more and more on ourselves. I would encourage anyone if you need a break "take" one sometimes a day without a bloody mobile with constant emails etc just give you some brain space, its a muscle just like a bicep work it and rest it.

[Pasty]

Stress is an absolute nightmare to cope with even if you don't think you are "stressed". I have an enjoyable but challenging job and realised i was stressed but couldn't do an awful lot about it bar having the odd week off here and there.

In May I fractured my shoulder and ended up being off for 11 weeks while it healed as I couldn't drive. For the first 2 weeks I was frustrated, worried about work, putting more pressure back on my colleagues etc until about week 3/4 I started to wind down, got into a routine and when I eventually went back I felt like a differen't person. It was the longest period of time off I had had since I left college in 2002 and I could feel the difference in my approach as a new start. I knew I was stressed but until I could actually sit back and analyse it during my time off I hadn't realised how stressed I actually was.

The attitude of grinding ourselves into the dirt is so counterproductive but it just feels you have no other options.

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

Well said