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  1. #26
    In The North Stand With All The Old Folk Scouse Don's Avatar
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    Best wishes midd saint
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    In The South Stand Greengrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paulscnthorpe View Post
    Dave, I wonder if it's worth putting a username with password on here under "Anonymous" so people can post without registering?

    I know the potential for abuse is there.

    Great Idea though and clearly the job already done

    If anyone is low enough to abuse people who are already at a very low ebb I don't think their life expectancy on Redvee would be very long. It is a great Idea and already MiddSaint has taken the first step and is getting favourable results long may it continue, I tend to bottle up things and try to carry the burden to keep others from suffering too but it takes it's toll and you need an outlet. I go to the pub, not to drown my sorrows but just to have a bit of banter and a laugh a couple of pints and I'm off home to cook the evening meal and I never drink at home, I feel it releases you for an hour and I can talk about my problems in fact there is another bloke with almost an identical situation as me and we often talk about how things are going (his wife like mine is suffering from a neurological disorder) it does help. Good Luck to MiddSaint and Anonimouse I hope things improve for both of you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Following yesterdayís post I have decided to take the next step. I rung mind today. I spoke to them for a good 2 hours 35 minutes. Itís mind blowing how one step can lead to another. I have researched what was suggested above and I am taking steps to organise seeing a professional next week. Thank you very much for pointing me in the right direction.
    Well done mate i hope this is the start of something for you

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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Following yesterdayís post I have decided to take the next step. I rung mind today. I spoke to them for a good 2 hours 35 minutes. Itís mind blowing how one step can lead to another. I have researched what was suggested above and I am taking steps to organise seeing a professional next week. Thank you very much for pointing me in the right direction.
    Thatís brilliant.

    Even if youíre the last person that this thread has made a difference to (I sincerely hope youíre not) then itís all been worth it. I wish you the best of luck mate.

    Dave, good on you mate.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greengrass View Post
    If anyone is low enough to abuse people who are already at a very low ebb I don't think their life expectancy on Redvee would be very long. It is a great Idea and already MiddSaint has taken the first step and is getting favourable results long may it continue, I tend to bottle up things and try to carry the burden to keep others from suffering too but it takes it's toll and you need an outlet. I go to the pub, not to drown my sorrows but just to have a bit of banter and a laugh a couple of pints and I'm off home to cook the evening meal and I never drink at home, I feel it releases you for an hour and I can talk about my problems in fact there is another bloke with almost an identical situation as me and we often talk about how things are going (his wife like mine is suffering from a neurological disorder) it does help. Good Luck to MiddSaint and Anonimouse I hope things improve for both of you.
    You clearly find it easy to hide your feelings by being the joker in the pack Greengrass but I think youíve shown something of the real you and that will help others. Talking helps.

  6. #31
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    What a great thread and compelled me to register on here. First of all, Middsaint, well done for reaching out, I think you'll find people are lot more accepting than you'd think, in my own experience anyway.
    I'd like to give you an insight into my battle, it started around 3 years ago, or so I thought, I've since realised it's more like 15 years ago. I had just started seeing my now fiancť, things had been difficult due to her ex and that the industry I work in had a sudden climate change. In the space of a couple of months, I'd gone from being single, with plenty of money in my pocket to being sat at home, struggling to find work, a new bird that wasn't seeing much of her kids so understandably upset and funds starting to run low, not helped by me spending most days in the pub.
    It was the start of 2 hard years where I got to learn a lot about myself and mental health in general. It wasn't easy and there were some really dark days. I still take regular medication, I've accepted that and don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about. Fortunately I was able to fund private counselling which for me, didn't really help but what has helped me is being able to talk honestly with my partner and a couple of mates. It does seem a bit weird at first but it's also quite empowering and it feels like a huge burden lifting.


    If I could give you any advice it would be the following:

    1. Don't drink/do drugs when you're feeling low, it's the easy option but does absolutely no good.
    2. Exercise is king, I'm currently laid up with a bad knee but I still go to the gym and lift a few weights.
    3. Sort your diet out.
    4. Try to get back to work, even if it's a fairly menial job, it will keep you occupied, give you a bit of focus and self confidence again.
    5. Try to start liking yourself again, as daft as it sounds, it's easy to pick faults with yourself but everyone has good points.

    If you want to PM me for any advice, or just to chat please do. That goes for anyone.

  7. #32
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    What a great thread and compelled me to register on here. First of all, Middsaint, well done for reaching out, I think you'll find people are lot more accepting than you'd think, in my own experience anyway.
    I'd like to give you an insight into my battle, it started around 3 years ago, or so I thought, I've since realised it's more like 15 years ago. I had just started seeing my now fiancť, things had been difficult due to her ex and that the industry I work in had a sudden climate change. In the space of a couple of months, I'd gone from being single, with plenty of money in my pocket to being sat at home, struggling to find work, a new bird that wasn't seeing much of her kids so understandably upset and funds starting to run low, not helped by me spending most days in the pub.
    It was the start of 2 hard years where I got to learn a lot about myself and mental health in general. It wasn't easy and there were some really dark days. I still take regular medication, I've accepted that and don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about. Fortunately I was able to fund private counselling which for me, didn't really help but what has helped me is being able to talk honestly with my partner and a couple of mates. It does seem a bit weird at first but it's also quite empowering and it feels like a huge burden lifting.


    If I could give you any advice it would be the following:

    1. Don't drink/do drugs when you're feeling low, it's the easy option but does absolutely no good.
    2. Exercise is king, I'm currently laid up with a bad knee but I still go to the gym and lift a few weights.
    3. Sort your diet out.
    4. Try to get back to work, even if it's a fairly menial job, it will keep you occupied, give you a bit of focus and self confidence again.
    5. Try to start liking yourself again, as daft as it sounds, it's easy to pick faults with yourself but everyone has good points.

    If you want to PM me for any advice, or just to chat please do. That goes for anyone.

  8. #33
    In The South Stand Tez the Saint's Avatar
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    Can I just say as well, like a few others have spoke about, this is a brilliant idea for a thread.
    Steve Prescott MBE (1973-2013)
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  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tez the Saint View Post
    Can I just say as well, like a few others have spoke about, this is a brilliant idea for a thread.
    Second that.. Bronco well done and all the best Midd Saint even if the majority of people on here can't professionally help I hope the genuine concern and well wishing on here is a comfort.

  10. #35
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    Thank you all very much. The reaction and advice is so much more than I anticipated. I tried opening up once before to a “mate” about stuff only to be told I was being a “soft c**t” so I was initially anxious to share on here. I now feel a lot better seeing the response and the advice and well wishes. Looking at what you great people have shared have given me a nudge in the right direction. Next week is a massive week in terms of progression meeting up with a professional.

    I may have my own problems but I am more than happy to chat to anyone who has a problem because one thing I have learnt is that just having someone to listen lifts such a huge weight up. Some may say I’m being dramatic but since posting on here and just reading all the advice, it’s given me confidence to go and do something extra and if that can happen for me then it can possibly help others too.

    Again, for anyone who wants a chat, I’m always available.

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by MiddSaint View Post
    Following yesterdayís post I have decided to take the next step. I rung mind today. I spoke to them for a good 2 hours 35 minutes. Itís mind blowing how one step can lead to another. I have researched what was suggested above and I am taking steps to organise seeing a professional next week. Thank you very much for pointing me in the right direction.
    Good to see you now taking such a positive step and following it up. Good luck, and I hope that you continue to progress.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suttoner View Post
    You clearly find it easy to hide your feelings by being the joker in the pack Greengrass but I think you’ve shown something of the real you and that will help others. Talking helps.
    Thanks, yes I do try to make light of situations if you don't it can wash over you and push you under. They reckon most great comedians are manic depressives ( I don't class myself as a comedian) but I find making light of things helps if you dwell on the bad things then it can send you to dark places.
    On the Back foot looking for the front one.

  13. #38
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    Hi I’ve been a long term reader of this forum but have never posted until now. I’ve been struggling for a while now but this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it to other people. I don’t consider my situation to be as bad as a couple who’ve posted before me so I’m gonna go for it.

    Basically I played a sport from 7ish years old through the ages and advanced into an academy system. At the end of that time I was released and it felt and still feels like the end of the world because it meant everything to me. I still love the sport and probably because of that I haven’t had it in me to pick up a ball since. People have told me to give it another go and maybe work my way back up through the Leagues but I’m 21 now and it is probably too late. I wish I’d have just kept playing and maybe it would have been possible but I didn’t and I think I’d have too much ground to make up now and I don’t think I’ve got it in me

    Around the same time I lost someone close to me and didn’t deal with either very well at all. I was 18 and ended up getting myself into trouble. I was never arrested or cautioned never signed anything never even had a letter and I didn’t actually come into personal contact with anyone at all but I received an email saying that if I did it again things would become more serious. I’ve just finished my first university year and don’t have a single clue what I want to do. I’ve got something half in mind but it would need an enhanced background check and I’m apprehensive that the incident will show up. I’m reluctant to put things in place now knowing that I might have the incident hanging over me down the line, even though I probably need to. I still miss that person a lot and am finding things a lot harder without them here

    I feel like a failure and don’t really know how to get myself out of it... I’ve got a good family and feel like I’ve let them down I know I’ve met them down and I don’t have it in me to tell them about any of this. I don’t really know what to do but there’s only so long I can keep putting a smile on for. I’ll probably never be able to do what I wanted to do since I was 7 and even though I’m at university now I still don’t know what I want to do and if I did I don’t know whether the incident will show up. At the minute I get through it with short term fixes but that can’t carry on forever and I’m strugglig to see a way out
    Last edited by Anonymous929; 18th June 2018 at 23:05.

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous929 View Post
    Hi Iíve been a long term reader of this forum but have never posted until now. Iíve been struggling for a while now but this is the first time Iíve ever mentioned it to other people. I donít consider my situation to be as bad as a couple whoíve posted before me so Iím gonna go for it.

    Basically I played a sport from 7ish years old through the ages and advanced into an academy system. At the end of that time I was released and it felt and still feels like the end of the world because it meant everything to me. I still love the sport and probably because of that I havenít had it in me to pick up a ball since. People have told me to give it another go and maybe work my way back up through the Leagues but Iím 21 now and it is probably too late. I wish Iíd have just kept playing and maybe it would have been possible but I didnít and I think Iíd have too much ground to make up now and I donít think Iíve got it in me

    Around the same time I lost someone close to me and didnít deal with either very well at all. I was 18 and ended up getting myself into trouble. I was never arrested or cautioned never signed anything never even had a letter and I didnít actually come into personal contact with anyone at all but I received an email saying that if I did it again things would become more serious. Iíve just finished my first university year and donít have a single clue what I want to do. Iíve got something half in mind but it would need an enhanced background check and Iím apprehensive that the incident will show up. Iím reluctant to put things in place now knowing that I might have the incident hanging over me down the line, even though I probably need to. I still miss that person a lot and am finding things a lot harder without them here

    I feel like a failure and donít really know how to get myself out of it... Iíve got a good family and feel like Iíve let them down I know Iíve met them down and I donít have it in me to tell them about any of this. I donít really know what to do but thereís only so long I can keep putting a smile on for. Iíll probably never be able to do what I wanted to do since I was 7 and even though Iím at university now I still donít know what I want to do and if I did I donít know whether the incident will show up. At the minute I get through it with short term fixes but that canít carry on forever and Iím strugglig to see a way out
    Hi mate, First of all regarding the sport, is it something you enjoy doing? Regardless of ever reaching a level where you could potentially play professionally, if you enjoy doing it get back into it - assuming itís a team sport (rugby), youíll get yourself fit, make good mates with the team and enhance your social life. Just a thought... Walmsley played Uni Rugby and didnít play for Batley til he was 22!

    I was a half decent footy player back in the day, not quick enough to play at a top level, but dodgy ankles and wanting to go and watch Everton of a Saturday meant I played infrequently and stopped playing at a younger age than I really should of.... before you know it youíre mid 30s and your brain works quicker than your legs and you realise your time has passed. Donít have them regrets in ten years time!

    Your trouble - If you were 18 and you never received a formal caution, warning or reprimand then it wonít be disclosed on an enhanced DBS check. Even if something did show up, youíd have opportunity to speak to the employer and explain it. Donít let that hold you back. You could request the information the Police do hold though if youíre worried?

    Being 21 and at University and not knowing what you want to do is entirely normal.... I bet if you spoke with most on this forum, people do a wide varied amount of jobs, things they wouldnít expect themselves to be doing. Itís never too late to change your mind and career path. I got half way through a degree before undertaking a complete U turn and doing something different entirely. Once I qualified and worked a few years I went back and did further study to further develop and put myself in line for a promotion... now Iím in a job where I want to change direction slightly again, so this will involve further study/courses to give me the qualifications needed.

    Youíve got a long life ahead of you, the main bing your degree will give you is a generic set of skills you can show an employer that youíre employable. It may be worth having a chat to a career advisor to discuss options?

    From what youíve wrote youíre certainly not a failure - life doesnít always turn out as hoped and sometimes our dreams/ambitions arenít always met - but in your position you should challenge yourself to do the best you can - donít have regrets and what ifs in years to come.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous929 View Post
    Hi I’ve been a long term reader of this forum but have never posted until now. I’ve been struggling for a while now but this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it to other people. I don’t consider my situation to be as bad as a couple who’ve posted before me so I’m gonna go for it.

    Basically I played a sport from 7ish years old through the ages and advanced into an academy system. At the end of that time I was released and it felt and still feels like the end of the world because it meant everything to me. I still love the sport and probably because of that I haven’t had it in me to pick up a ball since. People have told me to give it another go and maybe work my way back up through the Leagues but I’m 21 now and it is probably too late. I wish I’d have just kept playing and maybe it would have been possible but I didn’t and I think I’d have too much ground to make up now and I don’t think I’ve got it in me

    Around the same time I lost someone close to me and didn’t deal with either very well at all. I was 18 and ended up getting myself into trouble. I was never arrested or cautioned never signed anything never even had a letter and I didn’t actually come into personal contact with anyone at all but I received an email saying that if I did it again things would become more serious. I’ve just finished my first university year and don’t have a single clue what I want to do. I’ve got something half in mind but it would need an enhanced background check and I’m apprehensive that the incident will show up. I’m reluctant to put things in place now knowing that I might have the incident hanging over me down the line, even though I probably need to. I still miss that person a lot and am finding things a lot harder without them here

    I feel like a failure and don’t really know how to get myself out of it... I’ve got a good family and feel like I’ve let them down I know I’ve met them down and I don’t have it in me to tell them about any of this. I don’t really know what to do but there’s only so long I can keep putting a smile on for. I’ll probably never be able to do what I wanted to do since I was 7 and even though I’m at university now I still don’t know what I want to do and if I did I don’t know whether the incident will show up. At the minute I get through it with short term fixes but that can’t carry on forever and I’m strugglig to see a way out
    As far as a CRB check goes, even a enhanced one it probably won't show anything up unless it was drugs, or of a sexual nature. I was in bother loads when I was younger and have never had any problems. I'd also imagine you'd be given the chance to explain anything to a perspective employer.
    I think what you need to do is have a think about things clearly, you're at uni so you obviously have half a brain, you're obviously a reasonably talented sportsman, I'd say you have things going for you in that respect. If you can't play whatever sport it is to a high level, can't you play for the enjoyment?
    As for knowing what you want to do in life, I didn't really know until I was 25 and kind of fell into something which has treated pretty well in the main. I know it's a bit of a clichť but go and travel, see a bit of the world, have a laugh. Far too much pressure is put on young people to be doing this, that and the other.

  16. #41
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    Thanks for the advice, really appreciated it.

    I contacted the officer who emailed me this morning and asked what the situation was and this was the reply:

    “I can tell you that we do not hold a personal record for you.
    Your details are however recorded within an incident that was reported by another party.
    That is as specific as I can be.
    Ok”

    Not really sure what means to be honest.

    In terms of the rugby stuff I think I’m going to get back into it and give it a go again because I think I’d regret it if I didn’t. I’ll put as much as I can into it over the next couple of years and will see where it takes me, there are examples of players who’ve come up through the leagues so who knows maybe I’ll be the next one.I’ve also sent an email to one of the lecturers and have asked if there is any experience that I can get involved in over the summer.

  17. #42
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    21 is still incredibly young. Loads of time left to have a great career in sport if you still want it

    The example people always use is Ian Wright, only really starting playing at the top level at 21 and went on to play for England

    Just remember any really successful person has built their career on the back of disappointment and failure, it's what drives them on to be successful. You've had a couple of knocks but nothing you can't overcome

    I did not have a clue what I was doing or going to do at 21, you're certainly doing better than I was!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous929 View Post
    Thanks for the advice, really appreciated it.

    I contacted the officer who emailed me this morning and asked what the situation was and this was the reply:

    ďI can tell you that we do not hold a personal record for you.
    Your details are however recorded within an incident that was reported by another party.
    That is as specific as I can be.
    OkĒ

    Not really sure what means to be honest.

    In terms of the rugby stuff I think Iím going to get back into it and give it a go again because I think Iíd regret it if I didnít. Iíll put as much as I can into it over the next couple of years and will see where it takes me, there are examples of players whoíve come up through the leagues so who knows maybe Iíll be the next one.Iíve also sent an email to one of the lecturers and have asked if there is any experience that I can get involved in over the summer.
    I donít feel qualified to give you personal advice but itís good to read that youíve taken some positive steps.

    In relation to the DBS checks, this is an example of the general guidance online:

    https://www.ucheck.co.uk/do-dbs-checks-show-cautions/

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    Great to see that this page is giving support to those who need it, well done to all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jackbit View Post
    Great to see that this page is giving support to those who need it, well done to all.
    Indeed. Any and every bit of help and support can go a very long way. I hope this thread continues into the future as a place for people to be heard and feel supported.

    Genuine offer - for what it's worth - I'd be happy to lend an ear to people if anyone feels like they need/would like someone to listen or chat.

    All the best to anyone who is struggling right now. Know you're not alone!

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    I'm going to offer a slightly alternative viewpoint here.

    Most people who know me know that I've got more mental disorders than than fingers, and that's not a joke. Anxiety, depression, phobias, hypochondria, low self-esteem, OCDs…… I've worn all the t shirts and never go a minute of my life without wearing at least one. The person who gave me the 'Despondent Dave' moniker probably didn't realise, but it certainly never helped to have everybody answering anything you ever said that wasn't 100% positive with "you miserable ****", "you depressive ****", "you moaning ****" etc. Christ almighty, if only they knew what I had to fight just be to that positive, maybe they'd stop and think - but then again, would I want them to? The trouble with people "knowing" that you have issues, is that the nice ones then treat you differently, but who wants to be treated differently?

    So that's why I don't often say anything about it. For me, it's not for the fear of abuse. Indeed, if I feared the abuse, I'd have come out and talked about it more to get the sympathy vote, but I can't be arsed. I go out to meet friends to forget about troubles, not to dwell on them

    Therefore, whilst this thread is well meaning, I doubt it will get many takers. It's a personal issue and if you do have issues then the first port of call is to see a private counsellor, because the majority of the public, despite being well meaning, can't really help. Indeed, private counsellors don't help as such. They coach you how to help yourself. Some people who come out of things like CBT come out a different person. It changes the whole way they structure their thoughts and it can work a treat. I’d advise anyone with issues to try that first. For some, though, their own subconscious doesn't buy into it, it tries to beat it, and I'm in the latter camp. I’d advise anybody who goes to not do what I did and try and fight it. Believe in it, go with it. Help it work for you.

    You do pee in the wind to a large extent with mental illness, because those not touched by it don't get it, and you can't blame them for that. If a had a pound for every time somebody took the persistent out of me for not flying, for example, I'd be a millionaire. Some really think they are being funny, some really think that I'm being awkward. Some say something ridiculous like "just pretend you’re on a coach", some say "just have a couple of pints and you'll be alright". I mean, this goes waaaayyy beyond not understanding into being totally ignorant, and not realising how fear, anxiety and phobias take a hold. You don't just have an uncomfortable hour, with sweaty palms and a dry mouth. if you knew for six months you were going on a flight, you'd spend that entire six months, night or day, thinking of nothing else, convincing your subconscious that that day will be your worst ever panic attack, and that is the panic attack that will finally kill you. Your subconscious is the boss of your conscious mind. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. There can be no escaping it.

    So then, you get somebody even more helpful who says "well, just don't think about it then", or "have a look at the crash statistics. You'll be fine". Thanks. Cheers mate, that's a real help. It’'s beyond their comprehension to realise that my rational mind knows all this stuff, it's my subconscious mind that makes it all a misery.

    Therefore, the reality is, talk about things to a non-professional, to somebody who means well, but basically hasn't got a clue, and rather than them helping you. inadvertently they end up making you feel ten times worse, because they don't get it and, try to or not, they just make you feel completely stupid for not manning up and getting over it.

    The upshot is then, be very careful who you choose to confide in, because if you confide in the wrong people, it can knock you for six and be a hindrance rather than a help. You don't need anybody feeling sorry for you, or walking on eggshells. You don't want to be treated differently, but you do need that person to understand what is going on.

    You have to make your own personal call, but don't be pressured into talking about it if you don't want to. Sometimes talking about it lets it envelope you, and sometimes it allows things to happen. When it's a personal fight, you do fight it more, you are more of a mindset that you won’t allow it to take control. The more I told people, the more I let it win. I no longer needed to cover things up, so I didn't try to. The only way you can win this battle is to fight it yourself. However, if you start to lose that personal battle, then you need to ask for help. Don’t try and fight it on your own anymore.

    Of course, if your thoughts turn suicidal (and I’ve never been to this point) then we have a different ball game entirely. By this point, you’ve probably gone beyond the point of all rationality. This is the point where the conscious mind has now taken on the persona of the subconscious issues. This is actually much easier to cure than the subconscious issues themslves. If you get to this stage, then tell somebody. Anybody! I knew a bloke; City supporter. An obsessive one. Went to every home and away game. Everybody thought he was having the time of his life. He’d waited all these years to see his team become successful and these were great times to be alive. Got himself a big tattoo of Sergio’s 2012 title winning goal on his back. Shortly after, they were scraping bits of him off the West Coast Mainline anywhere and everywhere between Golborne and Glasgow. A week earlier, he’d transferred all his money and the house into his wife’s name. All planned perfectly. Thought he’d never get a job again and he’d be a burden to them all. He actually thought he was doing them a favour. Now that’s when you have to speak. No, you’re not doing them a favour. You’re ruining their lives, but if you are that far gone in your head, you’re not going to feel like that. I fell out with a friend on here at the time, after he said that “the guy was an utter selfish tosser”, who didn’t care about the poor people who had to tell the even more poor people who he left behind. I haven’t spoken to him since. If only life was so black and white. I forgive him now. I understand why he said it, because he’d been on the other side of the fence, but I’ve spent my life on the other side, and it was a comment that was very, very hard to accept.

    But of course, this incident spells out the dangers of who you speak to about mental illness. Some people just don’t understand the mechanisms. They don’t understand that demons alter normal ways of thinking. This man who killed himself was a good man. The poor bugger killed himself because he thought they’d be better off without him. He, himself, had a lot to live for. Maybe that old time friend of mine will be touched by the ravages of altered thinking himself due to mental chemical imbalances in his brain one day. I hope for he and his family’s sake that he is not.

    I dare say this post is full of contradictions. Such is the life you lead, in these circumstances. You don't want sympathy, but you do. You don't want people to take the michael, but at the same time you don't want to be treated differently. You want them to be rational, but at the same time you need them to understand that it is your subconscious that is irrational and not your conscious mind, and it's very hard for people who don't have issues with their subconscious mind to get that.

    So there you go, don't be ashamed to talk about it if you want to, but at the same time, don't be pressured into 'outing' yourself. It's a personal call, and just do what you think's best.

    Do I feel better for saying all this? I don't know, I'm probably more confused than I was half an hour ago. :-)

    PS - I've not had a drink since last weekend. You can't blame this post on that. :-)
    THIS YEAR LENDING SUPPORT TO:- St. Helens RLFC, Manchester City, Alemannia Aachen, Borussia Dortmund, Preston North End, Celtic, RC Strasbourg-Alsace,
    St. Helens Town
    , Roda JC Kerkrade, KAS Eupen, Girona FC

  22. #47
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    Good on you Dave. Brave and very well articulated

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sean Day View Post
    Good on you Dave. Brave and very well articulated
    Yes, thanks for sharing. I appreciate the insight.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonimouse View Post
    I have been with my wife for 6 years, and we got married last month. Our relationship survived 4 years of long distance, she is not from the uk and this fact alone has added substantial cost and beurocracy to the whole process.

    After being together for one month, she has told me that she doesn't "love me enough" and wants a divorce and to go home. She denies having been unfaithful, and I really want to believe her, but there are enough red flags to suggest otherwise.

    We haven't had any problems in our relationship before this, in many ways it has been perfect aside from the thousands of miles that separated us for much of it. so I am completely blindsided and devastated. I am also furious with her for not opening up to me earlier (she says that she has felt this way for a while), confused about how this has happened, scared about what happens if we can't resolve it, and horribly lonely, as I have no friends close enough that I could confide in.

    I'm desperate not to lose her, it would tear me apart, and I just don't know what to do.


    Sorry to pick you up, but you say youíve been with your wife for 6 years, 4 of which were at long distance. But then say ďafter being together for one monthĒ. So were you physically together for 2 years or one month?

    Did you by chance send this woman money during your years apart? Obviously, you donít have to answer, but I hope youíre asking yourself these questions & youíve got good friends around you who can talk sense.

    If I had a pound for every guy Iíve known who got sucked in by Thai/Filipino women. Sending them money, paying for their ďmotherís operationĒ etc.. If/when they finally comes to U.K. & realises thereís no mansion or £millions in the bank to milk, they want off.

    I hope a month of marriage doesnít entitle her to half your house??

    Get a grip now. Change your bank passwords, change your locks, get her to the airport. Damage limitation.

    Good luck!

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    Great thread BTW.

    Some harrowing tales. Great to see people having the courage to get their problems off their chest & others taking time to care.

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